The nonviolent communication , Nonviolent Communication in English, is the name retained by Marshall B. Rosenberg, for a process which it initiated in the Années 1970 while being inspired in particular by work of Carl Rogers. The Non-violence is a reference to the movement of Gandhi.
- the Empathie , contribution major of work of Carl Rogers, is also in the middle of this process.
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Marshall Rosenberg also refers to work of the Chilean economist Manfred max Neef, who has, like to him, analyzed the human needs.
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As this process is permanently enriched by the people who use it, I propose to you to start from a definition which was valid in September 2003, to Lausanne, and which is continuously called in question according to the author even of this definition (MBR). You are thus - you also - guest to enrich it:
Definition of the CNV by Marshall B. Rosenberg - Lausanne Sept. 2003 (Translation by Godfrey Spencer and Anne Bourrit)
“The NonViolent Communication, it is the combination of a language, a way of thinking, a know-how in communication and means of influence which are used for my desire to make three things:
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to release me from the cultural conditioning which is in discordance with the way in which I want to live my life;
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to acquire the capacity to put to me in bond with myself and others in a way which enables me to give naturally starting from my heart;
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to acquire the capacity to create structures which support this way of giving. ”
To give a concise and positive definition, which speaks easily to the children and who respects the report that the human spirit does not know the negation, the organizers of a project CNV in school reformulated acronym CNV in New and Alive Communication .
The page most provided on the CNV is in German for the moment.
Process of nonviolent communication
Here summarized in a sentence, the goal of the CNV:
Thomas d' Ansembourg in “ Cease being nice, are true! ” proposes, following Marshall Rosenberg, a process to follow in order to be with the listening of what the other (and also myself) saw. The process helps us to clarify what we live, it is not the empathy but gives to it access, it is not only one simple listening: it helps us to connect to us effectively to the other/oneself. Here is description:
- O for Observation : to observe the situation if possible objectively
- S for Feeling : to express the feelings in report/ratio
- B for Need : to clarify the need
- D for Request : to make an if possible open request to answer it
See lower example.
Last nine families of needs
New fundamental needs (according to Manfred max-Neef) recover about all the pallet of the human needs:-
Care of body, wellbeing, protection, setting with the shelter of the body
- Safety
- Empathie, comprehension
- Creativity
- Love, intimacy
- Play
- Rest, relaxation, recovery
- Autonomy
- Direction, spirituality
Characteristics of the needs
Some elements of the needs - within the meaning of CNV - which make it possible to distinguish them from the everyday usage of the word “need” (example: “I need a good beer” or “I require that you would be nice with me”)They are:
- universal (commun runs with all the human beings)
- neither goods, nor bad
- attached:
- there are 36000 manners of answering it.
Example
In order to be sure that you perceive well what we want to say, here an example:-
Two friends were given go. First arrived 20 minutes before the fixed hour, and the second arrives 40 minutes after the fixed hour.
Usual reaction: “Not but you seesaw at what time you arrive? You could have prevented me at least! ”
That leaves only little opening. The person does not express herself in the direction of the process.
Here is a possible alternative:
1. Observation “ We had go here forty minutes ago, that makes one hour that I am here. ” It is advisable here to pay great attention to the verbal communication para (sighs, intonation of voice) in order to remain stuck to reality as much as possible in the stating.
2. Feeling “ I am in anger to have waited like that because… ” Start the sentence by “I” in order to taking the responsability for your feelings in order to show that you are responsible for your feelings. We propose to you to say " I sens" rather than " I sens" for being sure not to interfere judgments in the expression of the feelings
3. Need “… I have in heart to make a more judicious use of my time (there are perhaps others of them: communication, empathy, consideration, confidence)” Be with the listening of the need/needs which is/are at the origin of the feeling that you test.
4. “ the next time requires that this fact arrives, agree you to take your portable and to send a message to me to think that you will be late 5 minutes after the hour fixed for the appointment passed? ” Conclude by a clear demand (by stating until you wait really what the person makes to contribute to your wellbeing)… for asking you a question: " What do I want that the person makes to contribute so that my need is satisfied? "), concretes, open (answer " non" possible, multiple choice…), realistic, realizable and which leaves the choice.
I am in relation to what I live in the spirit of the non-violent communication
By extension, the people living the process of the nonviolent communication see in all Violence the tragic expression of or not satisfied not recognized needs (according to Thomas D' Ansembourg/Marshall Rosenberg). As far as possible, it is proposed to respect each stage in order to be clear.
In light, the nonviolent communication makes it possible many people to be helped in the listening which they offer/offer to the others.
The non-violent communication is not a " trick, a protocol of communication" , it is a process. By there, she asks to be fully lived as often as possible.
The risk is to fall into a mentalisation from the process where the people express (" mechanically; giraffe perroquet"). Example: " When you say… I feel… because I need… is it possible of…? " It is indeed possible that people feel heavy by hearing several times of sharp this formulation because they perhaps need spontaneousness, lightness and softness in the reformulation of what they live. We invite you to use the language " giraffe of rue".
Lastly, there exist 3 obstacles with empathic listening: time, the access to the person (hierarchy, nobody near…) and courage.
See too
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