Assertivity

Within the framework of the human relations, the assertivity is a behavior or an attitude which is based above all on the refusal to have recourse to the three other standard behaviors for negative purposes which are:

behaviors of Aggression (or of Domination by the force);
the behaviors of Soumission, which can materialize by the escape or the abandonment;
behaviors of handling (or Domination by the trick), sometimes expressed in the form of mental handling.

The choice of an assertive behavior will follow the adoption of the “position of corresponding life” (see assertive Comportements). The assertivity is studied in fields such as those of the social Psychologie or the Management.

Origins

The word assertivity comes from English assertivness , substantive formed starting from the verb “to assert”: to affirm, assertion, to affirm, defend its rights, to defend its opinion. Assertivness can be translated into French by the assertion of oneself, the self-confidence, the personal insurance and forces quiet.

Appearance of the concept: August 1st

Definition

The assertivity, or to have an assertive behavior, is the capacity to be expressed and defend its rights without encroaching on those of the others. It corresponds to an attitude of firmness; firmness compared to the events and so that one regards as acceptable or not, in order to develop more harmonious relations.

Applications

To be assertive, it is to aim at a report/ratio Gain-gaining with a “quiet force”.

Regarded as fundamental with the nonviolent Communication, it produces an domino effect on the interlocutors. It makes it possible to increase the quality of the relation and mutual comprehension, while initiating a Virtuous circle.

Although the assertivity is not a technique but a attitude, it makes it possible to develop techniques being inspired some. The techniques “of assertivity” result from the compromise analysis of which they develop the “adult” state.

Management

Competences related to the assertivity are:

to respect themselves and be made respect,
to develop a good internal insurance,
to identify its most frequent attitudes,
to know to deal with passive, aggressive behaviors and manipulators,
to communicate effectively.

August 1st

Techniques considered as assertive

The technique known as of the “ disc striped ” (or Broken record ) can be regarded as a common technique of assertivity. It simply consists in repeating a request with each time one is confronted with an illegitimate resistance. The term evokes the long-playing records whose striped surface will reproduce in loop the same sound sequence indefinitely. The disadvantage in this approach is that the request will lose its force as she is repeated. That can then be turned over against its user who must have at his disposal of repressive measurements.

The technique known as of the Fogging consists in starting by finding an area of agreement while isolating from the points on which to fall from agreement, before contradicting the part of speech to which one is opposed. August 1st

Criticisms of these techniques

The techniques known as assertive become prone to guarantee if their use must lead to a form of handling, which would be in deep contradiction with the first principle which precisely consists in refusing this behavior.

The assertivity is the art of the concession and the compromise. To reduce the assertivity to “tricks and easy ways”, it is to pervert the deep sense with the risk of it to fall into the caricature.

If the assertivity is not a technique, it is not either a method since it is an attitude or a behavior. To create techniques or methods starting from the assertivity thus presents the risk to enter in contradiction with the definition even of the assertivity. The true assertive one will have to never lose sight of the fact essence: “Neither winners, nor overcome”. To stick to the most strict respect of the assertivity, one should not seek to gain more than the other (i.e. to be dominating) but not either not to agree to gain less (to be subjected). August 1st

Examples

Assertive behaviors

The position of life of assertive corresponds to “I am OK, you are OK” (ideal relation according to the compromise Analyze). The assertive one postulates the reciprocal respect of the opinions: it is not because me I like such thing that the others are wrong not to like it.

Diagram opposite: Human behaviors and positions of life

I am OK, you are OK: Assertivity

I am OK, you are not OK: Aggression (or domination by the force)/Handling (or domination by the trick)

I am not OK, you are OK: Tender

I am not OK, you are not OK: Abandonment

August 1st

Historical examples

Assertivity in the fiction

Twelve Men in anger of Sidney Lumet (1957)

Quotations

“The assertivity consists in exposing its point of view, to defend its rights, to express its waitings and feelings. It implies also the catch in consideration of the rights, waitings and the feelings of others. To develop its assertivity, it is thus vis-a-vis a situation, to develop its aptitude to define its position clearly, to make known it, to defend it without aggressiveness while admitting different positions on behalf of the others. Thus, to work with the assertion of oneself, it is to seek a communication in which the had aims appear clearly but also to work a communication where the expressed feelings are authentic. This “congruent” expression is likely all to cause a similar attitude at the interlocutor, supporting a better communication even a better relation. ”

“The assertivity makes it possible to be better integrated into the group, to make evolve/move the things “in the interest and the self-respect, but also of others”: it is the optimal way to affirm and express its personality (reduction of the conflicts… and the stress.). ” David Servan-Schreiber

“The assertivity is initially the refusal to have too often recourse to the three traditionally ineffective behaviors which are the attack, the escape and handling. (…) To be “assertive” use an adult language while being precise, clear, informative, by using open-ended questions and not connoted: said “Why? ” and not “And why thus? ” Hold of the personalized remarks and at the present such as “at my opinion… ”. (…) To be assertive, it is necessary to start not to estimate themselves, believe in oneself, and to know to quietly express its force according to the circumstances. You for better accepting accept others. That implies that you can defend your rights without devaluing the others, nor to let to you devalue by them. To find the regard of yourself on the professional level thus start with you to make pay what you are worth really on the market. ” François Aélion: To manage in all letters: Guide action and of culture around 150 professional situations (Editions of Organization - 2005)

“Each time a man speaks with another in an authentic and full way, there is, with the clean direction, transfer, symbolic system transfer - it occurs something which changes the nature of the two beings into presence. ” Jacques Lacan, Seminar I - technical writings of Freud (1953 - 1954), éd.du Threshold, 1975, p. 127.

Related quotations

“I want that my friends are my friends and not my Masters; that they advise me without claiming to control me: that they have all kinds of rights on my heart, none on my freedom. ” Jean-Jacques Rousseau

“The feeling of our forces increases them. ” Vauvenargues

“Few men have the feeling of measurement. Few men, and no people! Or they are believed able of all, or they feel impotent with all. ” Jacques Chastenet

“It is necessary, indeed, to have tried out the life well before recognizing that, according to a beautiful word of Raphaël, to include/understand is to equalize. ” Honore de Balzac

“The two most terrible contagions which precisely threaten us: … deep dislike of the man! deep pity for the man! …” Friedrich Nietzsche

“The probity, which prevents the poor spirits from arriving to their ends, is a means of more than of succeeding for skilful” the Vauvenargues

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